I don't think I've ever wanted to be back in the U.S. more than I do today. I want to be knocking on doors, driving people to polls, feel the electricity in the air as countless volunteer hours and all the energy you have comes down to this day. This one day.

Last spring, I was at Busboys and Poets in DC on the day Obama won the primary. Surrounded by activists young and old, the energy was tangible as we watched Hillary (kind of) concede and Obama claim victory. A group of older African-American ladies hugged and jumped and cried and I was overwhelmed by the sense of being in the midst of history.

I'm sitting now in a house in Copenhagen, and the day is just beginning back home. We'll remember it for the rest of our lives. I'm holding my breath, and while my mind is spinning with all the things The 2008 Election means, I'm trying slow down and be thankful for being alive at such an amazing moment in history.

Like others, I can't even entertain the idea of McCain winning. It would stamp out practically any hope for our democracy. It's starting to sink in that a President Obama is the alternative to that nightmare, a real possibility. But here's where it gets frightening - Obama absolutely, positively, must live up to expectations, or else it will be devastating. He must be truly transformational. With the hopes of countless people in his hands, he has to have the nerve to be the bold, visionary progressive leader we on the left secretly hope he is. He has to save the world.

And you know what's crazy? I think it might actually happen. Starting today.

I think I'm in love. I just might elope. Obama campaign, I have my eyes on you.

The night of Iowa, I remembered that fateful night four years ago when the Dean campaign crashed and burned and realized how far we've come. Or that chill-inducing speech at the Democratic national convetion. Who would have expected the youth vote? Well, we saw the midterm returns and saw hope for things to come, but the talking heads didn't really listen. But it's materializing exactly as we hoped - and the youth vote might just carry Obama all the way to the white house. Of course it's not just the youth. As I said last May, the previously apathetic and unegaged could become a force to be reckoned with. And what's a better sign of the health of a democracy?

It all comes down to leadership, as Marshall Ganz says. Great leaders create change and bring people together, not just around one cause, but around hope for a better future. As Markos Moulitsas said a few years ago in Crashing the Gate, the downfall of the democratic party has been the fragmentation around issues. Everyone judges the political landscape through the lens of their issue. This has weakened the democratic party to the extent that nobody can work together or make compromises for the common good. I've seen my colleagues in the LGBT rights or environmental communities throw barbs at the Obama campaign from this perspective, saying that the only common cause the Obama campaign unifies around is the Obama campaign. Now, nobody's going to have a perfect record about every issue. What matters is an ability to inspire hope and rally people to the extend that we can learn to compromise and work together, even if that means small costs to our pet issue. Obama can do this. The question, however, is if we can muster the optimism necessary to give him a chance. I hope so.

The past week has been full of chores - fetching firewood, tending to the animals, making coffee, chopping vegetables for soup. Trying to keep the mountain chill at bay. Trying to cobble together a vision of the next six months and two years. Flipping through cookbooks.


When I was in high school, I was driving bleary-eyed from a friend's funeral and "Should I Stay or Should I Go" came on the radio. I took a detour home so I could finish listening to the song. I still can't hear it without thinking about that day and I still take detours for the radio.


When I worked at Western's study abroad office, I advised students leaving the country for the first time that no matter how much you prepare and read up on the place, no matter how many pictures you see and people you talk to, the transition will end up being at least slightly psychotic. You make the necessary arrangements, you board the plane, your life changes, and you take it as it comes.


She was going to stay.

Not “stay” precisely.

“Not leave” is more like it.

“I walked away from places all my life and I’m not going to walk away from here."

“You have to pick the places you don’t walk away from."

[...]

“You don’t get any real points for staying here, Charlotte."

“I can’t seem to tell what you do get the real points for,” Charlotte said. “So I guess I’ll stick around here awhile."

~

In Alamosa, Colorado right now, it's -17 degrees with a wind chill of -32. In Bali, Indonesia it's 88 with a heat index of 104. That's an actual temperature difference of 105 degrees, and a perceived difference of 136 degrees. In terms of climate, Alamosa and Bali are about as opposite as you can get right now.

It's fitting, I think. The two are probably the most disparate places I've ever been to. Bali is crowded - a blur of motion and color - hazy, lush and heavy. Alamosa is a wide horizon of snow and sun - blinding, still, and solitary.

Everyone is counting down to Christmas here, and I'm getting into it too, which keeps me moving. I like having things to look forward to - days to check off the calendar, plans to make. I can see how rich women with nothing to do could get thoroughly absorbed in the throwing of elaborate parties.

Colors, moisture, heat. Enough blue in the air...
~ Joan Didion's Inez Victor, on why she stayed in Kuala Lumpur.


The entire time I was in Bali, I tried to remember the first three words of that quote. Colors, moisture, heat. In Bali, the three are inseparable perceptions. Lush green, sticky humidity, the bustle of motorbikes and vendors all merge into one sensation of being in a far-away land.


Enough blue in the air... I wonder if she was talking about the same sky. Colorado has more blue, but maybe the operative word is enough...


I came to Bali with some hopes and lots of questions, mostly about what my next step will be. A few were answered, other more significant ones emerged, and in the end I somehow feel better about the whole thing. Less aimless, maybe.


Maybe next time I'll write about the conference - sweaty business clothes, scribbling speeches to deliver at press conferences, meeting people I should have chatted up. But right now, on a layover midway through my 40-hour trek home, I just want to remember the colors, the heat, and inscribe the sensations in my memory. Breakfast on rooftops, cool marble floors, mangoes with every meal, flowers everywhere. A weekend that could have been a dream. Feeling alive.